Hi there,
It's good that you are here.
For the past month, I have been gathering things in my mind that I wanted to write about and share with you.
Roller coster
For the first time in my life, I visited an amusement park and rode some roller coasters. One of them was particularly evil. I did not think much of it before jumping into that seat and locking myself behind the security bar. Not having had any experience like that before- I said, heck! Let’s do it! It looked fun and a bit scary (in a good way) from the side line. Watching mature consenting people being shaken and tossed around, while they scream and laugh, seemed fun.
Hmm, and a bit scary…Should I do it? Yeah, ok I’ll do it. What if I die? Come on Victoria, you are not going to die, look at these people, they are having fun, they are not dead, are they?
I did it.
That ride taught me some things about myself:
- I do not like hanging with my head down, while seated in a chair attached somehow to a steel bar, going 200km/h. It’s insane!
- I do not like the feeling of being trapped. It did not last for too long, the ride took like 1 min, but it felt like an eternity. I closed my eyes from the beginning, as the train started moving super fast. I checked 2 times to see how much longer of the ordeal I have to endure. Somehow, I lost sense of time or direction or anything, I was just gripping the handles, my legs hugging the chair, as if ready to catapult myself. Abandon ship Victoria!
- I do not find the feeling of falling into the void, or possibly hitting blunt objects head first, pleasant.
The people behind me were living a completely different experience. They were on cloud nine.
(Almost) literally.
Hands in the air, laughing and screaming to the top of their lungs.
Oh well, I guess we are different. I am not sure if I will try that stunt again. Maybe something less insane.
I was left with a bit of regret - that I cannot enjoy that craziness and be like them. A feeling of happiness when I touched the ground and was safe on my own two feet. I felt relieved as well, like you feel after an interview or something like that, when you know you made yourself vulnerable without knowing if you were understood or appreciated.
Overall, the roller coaster ride was a positive experience - now that I am here talking about it!
Haha, just joking.
In all seriousness, I am still thinking about it. It shook me out well, it gave me a new perspective. I’m a survivor after all!
Artemis II
Recently, Artemis II went out of orbit, traveled all the way to the Moon, went around it and a few days later - while on Earth we were catching our breaths during the weekend - they splashed down in the ocean.
It was amazing to see the reports, the live transmission, the discussions with the astronauts while they were floating in space and those after. Besides any political or financial considerations, it amazed me that humans did that.
They built a rocket, figured out how to bring it out of terrestrial space, invented the math to translate the universe into understandable concepts, and then used that math to calculate whatever needs to be calculated so that those four humans could go and come back to tell us about it.
Amazing. Think of what we, the little people, could do if only we could concentrate our attention in the same way. The idea of what we want to become, could be the hook which pulls us forward into the future.
A consistent flow of energy, feeding that idea, would make it real.
Gisele Pelicot
The book “A Hymn to Life. Shame has to Change Sides “ by Gisele Pelicot had me locked in for a couple of hours. I read it in 2 sessions.
If you are not familiar with her case, one of the most violent and horrendous cases of abuse that the world knows of, you could read her book. I got a lot of answers while reading the book. The fact that she survived is astounding, a miracle. Maybe it was meant to be so.
The trial against the husband and all the other perpetrators, was a descent into hell, as she described it.
Reading the book was a confession. It did really feel like a strong spirit was present in that story. There is no other explanation. She could have died 1000 times during the years of abuse, but she didn’t.
The spell was broken when a woman spoke. It sent the machinery of justice in motion. This machinery destroyed everything in its way. The illusion which Gisele was believing to be her reality came down with it too. But it was the act of speaking that broke the spell.
Gisele Pelicot chose to have an open trial, so that the world could know what happened to her and most importantly, who did it. She shifted the perspective on violence and abuse.
What a luminous soul!
Car crash
And lastly, in this almost apocalyptic list, there was this car crash that I witnessed from a distance. Even though I did not see the impact, the thick black smoke rising like a snake into the sky, a hundred meters away, was pretty visible.
This was another moment when life stopped for a second and you are sitting there thinking to yourself:
Oh my, it could have been me. But I am still here. I am still alive and I can do things.
Let me do all the things I was putting off or was scared to try. Let me fulfill my dreams, let me live!
The realization of being alive and therefore - reminding yourself of your capacity to change things, of saying something that could potentially change your life, of bringing something in existence that was not there before - it fades away.
After the temporary blip, the traffic starts to move again.
The frenetic sound of vehicles rushing by, overpowers the more gentle and fragile whisper of creativity.
And that’s when a roller coaster ride can come in handy! Try it if you are ok with a temporary coma like me.